Questions and Answers
1. 15/45 rule. If you can’t get to sleep in 15 minutes then get up and do something light, like reading a book, cleaning up, watching a video, for 45 minutes, then lie down again for 15 minutes and try to sleep. Repeat as necessary. Too many people lie there for an hour, or two, or three, tossing and turning, and when they do get to sleep it’s a fitful sleep that leaves them exhausted. Worse yet while they’re lying there they’re stressing about why they’re not sleeping and building an association that their bed is somewhere to stress. Don’t lie there and stress, get up and go back when you’re relaxed again.
2. Check your diet. Many people on the atkins diet can’t sleep because they lack tryptophan, which is present in most carbohydrates. Tryptophan becomes melatonin, which makes you drowsy, and melatonin becomes seratonin when you’re exposed to light (okay, this is a little bit of a simplification, but I didn’t want to bore you with a full lecture on brain chemistry). Chicken is also rich in an enzyme that encourages sleep. If you’re feeling anxious then milk (warm or cold) can help as it contains an enzyme that blocks adrenaline and so it helps suppress anxiety.
3. Exercise. Check you’re not over-exercising, which can lead to a condition known as over-stress, the symptoms of which include sleeplessness. If you’re exercising remember that you should walk out of an exercise session feeling energised, not drained or “hyped”. Ideally you should be aiming for 30 minutes to 1 hour of light to moderate exercise a day. Likewise under-exercising can leave you with a feeling that your brain is tired, but your body is restless. Again check your exercise pattens. Avoid exercising for at least 2 hours before bedtime.
4. Routine. Humans are creatures of routine. Try to get to sleep at roughly the same time every night, and to sleep at least 8 hours a night (this varies by person, some prefer as little as 6 hours, others as much as 10 hours, but 8 is average).
Best of luck. Lack of sleep can easily make you feel ill and unbalanced, so try these tips, and remember that you can also visit your doctor and do these things, they aren’t mutually exclusive.
P.S. Just read some of the posts advising sleeping pills. I advise against them simply because they’re addictive and they don’t “train” your body or brain to fall asleep when you want to, so things are fine as long as you’re on them, but the moment you come off them you’re back to square one. If things are really bad then use them for a week, but remember that they’re at best a temporary crutch, not a solution.
We still have a physical relationship, and he says he isn’t looking for a new partner or anything. He also has aspergers.
I’ve told him I think we should change contact numbers remove each other from social websites and other things and have people liaise with us about our daughter. So we have no contact. He’s invited me to go out for a night out somewhere and to go watch wrestling with him and share a hotel room together as it would be cheaper. But surely this isn’t something you do with an ex?!
He can’t have our daughter or look after her on his own due to social workers on his mothers side.
This is when I suggested a contact centre but he complained saying he won’t get enough time to see her like he does when he comes gland stays at my flat.
I’m stuck because I truly love him but he can be abit strong and hurt me physically and emotionally however much he does this I can’t stop loving him.
An important thing you need to know about aspies like him and a friend of mine is that they have very, very, very severe ‘meltdowns’ if their routines are interfered with or prevented. So I strongly recommend that you don’t block contact. Myfriend used to manifest a very rapid asthma spasm that would black her out through oxygen starvation in 75 seconds and put her in such deep coma she would need an adrenalin injection direct into her heart muscle to bring her back to life. She attempted suicide four times one evening and ended up in a 48 hour coma in an industrial freezer in a dairy a half a mile away from her home, in a deliberate attempt to kill herself through freezing to death because trying to drown herself had been successful, as her asthma spasm kept her lungs full of air so she floated on the surface and was unable to fill the lungs with water.
You don’t need that kind of guilt on your conscience, so lets try and think of an alternative. She attempted suicide again later in her life by the asthma – black out – coma route as she had to end a relationship she said she felt uncomfortable in, and, her fingernails, thumbnails and toenails shrivelled up as her body withdrew the bodyfluids and nutrients to keep her internal organs alive. Its in my books, so I’m not making it up to frighten you. What I’m saying is don’t expect him to react to anything in the same way as you would. Your brains are wired differently. It’s what makes us so hard to live with.
I know you feel ‘trapped’ more than ‘stuck’, but you need to be calm and get down to accepting you are a bit stuck at the moment, but that it be like that for ever. Both neurotypicals (like yourself who do not have autism or aspergers) and auties/aspies like him and my friend, have the benefit of ‘neuroplasticity’ in their brains that enable them to change habits and behaviours over the course of time, which is why, at 68, not even a National Health Service Psychiatrist can tell that she is an autie/aspie by observing her. They can only tell from what she can tell them about how she used to be! You’ll realise this from my books if you read them. Your relationship with your boyfriend could turn our ‘happy ever after’ like the fairy tales, if you can both hang on in there, trying to make your relationship work better. Little steps every day or every week or every month or even every year is all that it takes over a half a lifetime to have moved mountains that stood between you at the start. His mom and dad won’t live for ever! So they won’t be in your way forever. And what happens if you break off with him now and his mom and dad die? His whole world will collapse, because they are the pillars that are holding it up for him now.
All I’m saying therefore is don’t rush into anything just yet. Maintain everything on a stable keel. Treat his requests that you go out for a night together as you always have done – with caution – that won’t throw him – it’s what you always do – and use that request to gently challenge the way he hurts you physically and emotionally – ask him how he would feel if you did it to him – force him to face the fact that he hurts you and that’s the reason you have to remain cautious about going out with him all the time – keep putting it back in his face – force him to accept the responsibility for it and therefore also for your having too be cautious all the time with him and saying no to him all the time. Refuse to be his victim any longer. State you want equal rights in your relationship if he wants it to continue. Tell him you can make a long term commitment to him if he agrees to this and demonstrates good intent by treating you as an equal instead of as a toy!
DAT Esq 17:47 GMT 14/May/2013 Wales, UK.
And how they apply to your daily life? Thanks!
1-Al-Shahadatan: That is to witness and believe that There is no God but Allah and Mohammed is the messenger of Allah
أشهد أن لا إله ألا الله وأشهد أن محمد رسول الله
When a Muslim implements this pillar in his life, he submits his life to Allah; he believes that everything in this life is submitted to Allah’s decision. He does not pray or sacrifice other that to Allah, he believes that Allah does not need a carrier to carry his prayers to him, nor do he has a partner.
He believes that prophet Mohammed is the last messenger, and the Quran is the last book sent by the Creator to his creations, which shows the right and wrong, true and false. Allah has given man the brain to think, the eyes to see, the ears to hear and the Quran as guidance, it is the duty of man to think, see, hear, read and follow the path which he chooses either to heaven or to hell.
Allah has not forced a religion on him, but he has sent all the prophets, including Mohammed, to show him the right path. He did not create this man and leave him go astray.
2- Performing the five prayers: When a Muslim implement this in his life, he keeps his touch with his God even through his busy life. He gets a peace of mind and body when he prays to his God and tells him all his problems and asks him for his blessings in his life and hereafter. The prayer reminds him that he is to return to Allah one day. So he tries to be pure in his daily practices, he avoids the wrong doings and try to stick to the truth and right path.
The prayer keeps his body clean from dirt as he is required to approach the prayer with clean body every five times, so he should clean himself after toilet, after sexual relations with his wife, these all keeps his body clean and tidy. The ablution which is taken before the prayer cleans his nose, ears, eyes, teeth, hair, hands, and legs. He learns time management, waking up early morning, taking a daily bath.etc. His body gets a daily exercise.
And many more and more benefits which I cannot list here.
3- Zakat: Which is compulsory on every Muslim, this is not an action of his wish, Allah has foreseen that people will love money more that themselves, they will prefer to save rather than give to charity and poor. So Allah has made it compulsory on every Muslim who has his money reached “Nisab” that is one year to circulate on the same amount. If a Muslim implements this in his life, there would not have been any poor and needy in this world. The Zakat is to be given to the poor relatives, then to the others. This purifies the money of the Muslim and increases its amount. This ties the knot of a Muslim society, and refreshes the relations between a rich Muslim and a poor one.
4- Fasting Ramadan: This teaches the Muslim to be patient, hold his anger, speak politely, increases his touch with Allah and Quran, increases relations between Muslims, and other non Muslims. Purifies him from his sins. And increases charities which help major part of neediest in the society.
5- Hajj: This is to perform pilgrimage to Mecca to those Muslims who can afford with money and health. All Muslims all over the world different colors, casts, nationalities, men and woman all are equal in front of Allah in same clothes and same responsibilities,. This reminds him of the day Judgment when we all gather in front of Allah for judgment.
The 4 Pillars of Brain Health